she was so not down for the gang bang
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
