he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize