I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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