hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Randomize
