Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i drank out of a bidet.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
