Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
