you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
