STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
