Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
