and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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