I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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