are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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