I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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