Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize