Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
