TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
