So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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