So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
