He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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