Having a random hookup so left but love u
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
