her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
