And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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