this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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