32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
