I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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