this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
