Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
