he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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