Cold hands, warm shart.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
