i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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