I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
