proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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