So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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