Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
