Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
