we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
