i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
