On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
