margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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