so explain again why im purple
no
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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