You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
