i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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