my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
