she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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