I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
