the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
