you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
