I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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