What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
