in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
