Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
