cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
