I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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