i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize