When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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