I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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