did you get engaged???
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
