apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
