Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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