Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize