I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I cockslap morals
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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