WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
