ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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