never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
