O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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