it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
