Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
