Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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