Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
